Soul Cleansed

Happiness swells underneath the surface
I’m overwhelmed by the feeling
My body’s buzzing,
I feel full
Like a Volcano about to erupt

My drive is smooth
The tunes just right
As I reflect on the happenings of late
I feel fulfilled
My mind and body awakened

The buildup of dust, dirt, and clutter
That once coated my soul
Has been cleared away
Washed off
And organized

I am once again open
Receptive, Alive, Hopeful
And looking forward
To what
The future brings.

© 2017 LRFB

If you like poetry, check out more of my creations here.

The Day My World Came Crashing Down

As I sat in your office crying after you told me my son could no longer attend your school you had the gall to ask me “How are you feeling?”  It still bothers me to this day that you asked me this question.  Of all the things you could say, what possessed you to ask me “How are you feeling?” The question made me feel like I was in therapy.  I almost blurted out “What kind of fucking question is that?  How do you think I’m fucking feeling?” but instead I let the rage spiral around inside me and between the sobs and the tears I managed to say “Devastated”.

After I got that one word out I was able to continue some.  “Is there any way he could stay?” I asked because the maternal instinct said I should fight for my child even though somewhere in the dark corners of my heart I knew that he hadn’t liked it there in a long while.  She said No.  She said that they had tried to work with him, but that other parents had also raised concerns about my child.

WTF?  As if I wasn’t already angry “Why am I just now hearing that other parents are concerned about my child? Isn’t that something that I should have been told?” I asked and then I continued “I feel like I wasn’t communicated with honestly about my son’s behavior in school.  I feel like the teachers focused on the positive things instead of the negative so I wasn’t getting an accurate picture of what was going on. I feel like only one teacher (who wasn’t even his teacher but was with him here and there) actually had been telling me the truth about him.”

She agreed that the communication could have been better not that it made a difference at this point in time.  I had asked the teachers and the director on numerous occasions what they thought was going on, why my child seemed unhappy at their school.  The best I got was they thought he was just a very sensitive child and that when you tell him “No” it just cuts straight through to his little soul and brings him pain. I didn’t quite buy the explanation and felt there was more to the problem.

The director then told me a story about the only other child they had kicked out of their facility and how he had moved passed his early childhood issues especially when he became involved in sports.

She meant to tell the story to make me feel better.

It didn’t.

I was still devastated and I was still pissed off.

“Happy Early Fucking Birthday to me,” I thought.  My 3.5-year-old was kicked out of school for pushing and kicking another child because you know, kids don’t do things like that.. .

Months later it still bothers me that she asked me that question, but I no longer bear a grudge towards the school or the staff.  This was the first stumble of a step on a very long, very hard and tearful journey towards helping my child.

To be continued. . .

Dear 2017

Dear 2017,

Together we are going to rock this year.  I feel like I am laying a foundation for many positive things to come. Positivity doesn’t always come easy for me so I am trying my darndest to make it a part of every day.  Yes, I talk to myself, I write things down, I make myself all sorts of notes.

I am also trying very hard to practice gratitude.  I am grateful for the beautiful day you provided us with yesterday and a chance to take my son to a new park with super fun slides.  I am grateful that even though you got my blood pumping and gave me near hysterics as I watched my son fall while climbing (as I frantically tried to get to him in time but couldn’t) that he was not injured.

I am grateful that while driving home I was paying attention and was able to maneuver my vehicle out of the way and avoid becoming part of the three car pile up that happened in front of me.  I am thankful none of the people that were part of the accident were injured.  They all hopped quickly out of their vehicles while I sat in mine trying to stop shaking so I could get out and make sure they were okay.  The man I talked to was positive.  “I am okay,” he said, (in all honesty he looked better than I felt he was even smiling.) “It was about time for a new car anyway.” His was the car in the middle.  Watching that man was inspiring to me.  I wish we could all take things in stride like he seemed to.  I am very grateful for the experience of having met him for the brief time I did.

And while I didn’t accomplish every tiny little thing I wanted to yesterday, I made progress and that is all I really want.  Progress every day no matter how small or large, just a few steps forward.

Peace and Blessings,

Lisa

Puzzled

It felt like my world was falling apart
I kept trying and trying
But I couldn’t even start
To pull it all back together again

A million pieces
laid out on the table before me
So many colors I couldn’t see
What the picture was supposed to be

On instinct, I reached out
For help from a friend
Who put things in perspective
And set me on my way to mend

Pieces were missing
From my puzzle of life
That’s what was causing me
All of the strife

My problem has now been identified
And I can breathe a sigh of relief
I no longer have to hide
All the feelings of failure I’ve kept inside.

The road will be long
Filled with mountains and hills
But just knowing
Provides me with so many skills

And new friends have been made
To share in my new campaign
As together we lift spirits
To ease each other’s pain

And my eyes have been opened
To a brand new world
There is such beauty in pain
It’s a double-edged sword.

The future is less blurry
The colors are more bright
The puzzle slowly comes together
There is an end in sight

So, lend a hand this coming year
And place a puzzle piece
It’s only with the helping hand of friends
Our blessings will increase.

© 2016 -LRFB

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If you like poetry, check out more of my creations here.

A Goodbye to a Friend

It’s the little things
that once added together
Can equate to problems.
At first, I let it slide
I gave you the benefit of the doubt
But as time has progressed
and I have witnessed you in action
Repeatedly,
I feel you have abused that privilege.
You eject words from your mouth carelessly.
And you are blind to the effect they have
On those around you.
From what I have witnessed
You are obstinate in your views
and once you form an opinion
No amount of empirical data
or intelligent debate
Can persuade you of any possible
Alternatives.

I have watched as people
You once called dear friends have
Vanished from your life
With hearts wounded by
the nocuous words you have directed at them.
I wonder if you see the part
You have played in their withdrawal
from your world.

I’ve been withdrawing
Slowly, for a few years now
But your recent remarks
Have pushed a need for acceleration.
I have been trying to cleanse
My world of the negative
And embrace the positive
Which at first  was difficult and unnatural
But is becoming easier and more habitual
with the passage of time.

While your words don’t carry the weight the once held
the memories of past hurts are hard to erase
And I know that to cut our bond
Will allow me to spread my wings a bit more.
I can no longer allow myself
to be weighed down with past sentiments,
that are blurred at best, if I am to grow
In love and light
In possibility and positivity.

So I must say goodbye, you see
That we may part ways
And flourish in new opportunities.

© -LRFB

life-quotes-respect-yourself-enough-to-walk-away-from-anything-that-no-longer-serves-you-grows-you-or-makes-you-happy

If you like poetry check out more of my creations here.

The Struggle

Mercury is in retrograde
And the air is heavy
with tumultuousness.
There is a reoccurring theme
of struggle
Heavy on the minds
of the enlightened.
Our world today
Runs at such a hurried pace
Fitting “it all in”
is preposterous.
Yet, we try.
And so often
in the journey
of our pursuit
We neglect ourselves
or our loved ones
And forget that the
things that hold the most value
Are not “thing”s at all
They are people,
And they are the intangible
Beliefs, Morals, integrity.
So breathe
my friends
Breathe.
Calm your pace
Ignore the “mess”
Gather your loved ones.
Give hugs and kisses and thank you’s.
And go outside and inhale
the scents of the coming change
of the seasons.
Mercury Retrograde won’t last
much longer.

© -LRFB

If you like poetry, check out more of my creations here.

 

The Things We Carry

Most of us carry around some sort of baggage from our pasts.  Did you know that if you carry around an emotion with you from a thought or an event and you do not process that feeling that it can build up within you on a cellular level and make you sick?  Until more recently, neither did I.  I’ve been learning a lot over the past year about health and wellness and healing.  How it’s not just what we eat, how we sleep and how we exercise that keeps us healthy, but also what we store within our subconscious, how we think and even how we act that can lead to feelings of stuckness, or even sickness.

When I’m looking and listening to the universe I often find that the same topic will repeat itself in various places.  It will literally pop up on my Facebook in the form of a quote, or it will be the topic of the next podcast in my queue, or it will be mentioned in a casual conversation with family or friends.  When I notice these topics I try to take a look and a listen to see what is going on within me that needs to be addressed.

Forgiveness has been a hot topic in my reading material and podcasts as of late and when my writing prompts led me to write about “the things we carry” I put all the pieces of the puzzle together.  I feel as if I am carrying around a burden that needs to be lightened .  I feel like my subconscious is asking me to forgive something.   It could be a person who was done wrong to me, maybe I need to ask for forgiveness from someone I have wronged, perhaps I need to forgive myself or maybe it’s a combination of all of the above.

So I delved into some of my feelings and really listened to my multiple podcasts on forgiveness.  I figured out which category the forgiveness belonged to and I made a plan of action on how to forgive.  I’ll tell you forgiveness does not always come easy and honestly it goes against human nature.  There is a little part of me that still wants to hold onto certain events, but I the urge and want to grow outweigh the need to hold on to the past.  I want to move forward, I don’t want to stay stuck and to accomplish this I must throw out a little forgiveness.

I challenge you this week to look within yourself and see what you are carrying around with you.  What is leaning on your subconscience and weighing you down?  What do you need to do to lighten the load your subconscience is carrying so that your hands and mind are free and open to accept something new and wonderful?