As I sat in your office crying after you told me my son could no longer attend your school you had the gall to ask me “How are you feeling?” It still bothers me to this day that you asked me this question. Of all the things you could say, what possessed you to ask me “How are you feeling?” The question made me feel like I was in therapy. I almost blurted out “What kind of fucking question is that? How do you think I’m fucking feeling?” but instead I let the rage spiral around inside me and between the sobs and the tears I managed to say “Devastated”.
After I got that one word out I was able to continue some. “Is there any way he could stay?” I asked because the maternal instinct said I should fight for my child even though somewhere in the dark corners of my heart I knew that he hadn’t liked it there in a long while. She said No. She said that they had tried to work with him, but that other parents had also raised concerns about my child.
WTF? As if I wasn’t already angry “Why am I just now hearing that other parents are concerned about my child? Isn’t that something that I should have been told?” I asked and then I continued “I feel like I wasn’t communicated with honestly about my son’s behavior in school. I feel like the teachers focused on the positive things instead of the negative so I wasn’t getting an accurate picture of what was going on. I feel like only one teacher (who wasn’t even his teacher but was with him here and there) actually had been telling me the truth about him.”
She agreed that the communication could have been better not that it made a difference at this point in time. I had asked the teachers and the director on numerous occasions what they thought was going on, why my child seemed unhappy at their school. The best I got was they thought he was just a very sensitive child and that when you tell him “No” it just cuts straight through to his little soul and brings him pain. I didn’t quite buy the explanation and felt there was more to the problem.
The director then told me a story about the only other child they had kicked out of their facility and how he had moved passed his early childhood issues especially when he became involved in sports.
She meant to tell the story to make me feel better.
I was still devastated and I was still pissed off.
“Happy Early Fucking Birthday to me,” I thought. My 3.5-year-old was kicked out of school for pushing and kicking another child because you know, kids don’t do things like that.. .
Months later it still bothers me that she asked me that question, but I no longer bear a grudge towards the school or the staff. This was the first stumble of a step on a very long, very hard and tearful journey towards helping my child.
To be continued. . .