Working Mom Guilt

Nothing tugs on your heart strings more than when you have to drop your child off so you can go to work and they shed real little tears as you head for the door.  It’s one of those things that sticks with you all day long.

Being a working mom comes with a plethora of challenges.  You have to learn to trust the person(s) you leave your child with every day (and not cry when you drop them off).  You have to learn how to make as many seconds of your awake time count each day, which I am learning requires mad skill in the time management department (of which I find some days I am sorely lacking.) You have to figure out a way to keep the house reasonably clean (at least clean enough that if god forbid CPS came knocking it wouldn’t gross them out). You have to make sure there is healthy food in the house to prepare meals. You have to find time for your husband, the critters, the babe and maybe even eck out a little me time (I’m still not sure how that’s possible) all after working a 40 hour work week outside the home. . . Sometimes, I struggle with all this on a weekly basis, sometimes a daily basis (heck sometimes I have those days where it’s all I can do to just take it an hour at a time.)

It’s hard.  

Sometimes I shed a few tears when I get in the car to drive to work.  I think about what things would be like if I could stay home with my child all day instead of going to work and then I remind myself of what  I know deep in my heart, that me working and him going to school, is probably the best for both of us.  I like working.  I get stir crazy if I’m in the house too long.  The babe has similar tendencies, he is go, go, go and at school they do a wonderful job engaging him in all sorts of activities I don’t know if I’d be creative enough to figure out on my own if I was at home.

But I still miss him.

I get jealous when I see other mom’s posting pictures of fun activities on facebook during the day.  I get annoyed by “school” holidays that working people don’t get off, and summer, what the heck is that?  I get frustrated when I look for Mommy and Me type activities and I cannot find any during the weekend or evening hours (because you know us working mom’s don’t want to do fun things with our children. . .).  I have to remind myself that I am lucky to have the job that I do.  My boss is wonderfully flexible when it comes to me needing time off (or to work from home) to take care of a sick little one or attend one of his school activities.

I am so incredibly grateful for this.

I try my hardest to be away from him as little as possible and I try my very hardest to be engaged with him when I am with him.  We read daily, I try to have a craft activities for him a few days a week, I physically play with him daily,  I bounce with him in his trampoline, I dig in the dirt and pick up worms and frogs with him, I try to take him to the park every Sunday and  have a fun visit or trip somewhere every week.  I think because my time with him is limited I work my butt off to make sure the time I do have with him is quality time and I think we are both okay with this arrangement.

I’ve also learned that when guilty feelings do roar their ugly little heads, I pull out the big guns, (maybe play hooky?) and plan something extra fun for the both of us.


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